About Tomorrow

I think about tomorrow, before yesterday has even begun. My life often feels like a roller coaster on the run. One might think it is because I am on the go too often. However, I am afraid it is the opposite. Even though I try and keep myself busy by taking my wife to and from her jobs each day and participating in therapies to help my body remain functional, due to having Cerebral Palsy. And then you add 15 hours a week for my job. So, yeah, it sounds like I am a busy guy. Yet, somehow I always make time to worry! And when I say worry, I can often take worry to the tenth power. Never mind that I know God has it, whatever the issue might be. So it is truly lack of faith on my part that gets me in such tangled webs of despair and even hopelessness at times. And how can I ask others to remain faithful in God’s healing hands if I, myself can’t seem to give it all over to him? After all that God has done in my life, having faith in God should be automatic. Yet I still struggle with that at times. I will even go as far to say that I even get upset with God. “Why are you making my wife and I struggle every week?” “Why is everyone else able to afford to go on vacations while we often have problems with just purchasing groceries each week?” Damn it, God! Why! It is usually at this point when I realize what an ignorant fool that I can be at time. I am angry at the very same God that had delivered me from having had my mothered murdered, my wife having stage three breast cancer, that he delivered her miracle cure. One thing that I should completely understand at this point in my life is that God does not bargain with anyone! You either trust Him to deliver you, or you don’t. It really is that simple. I pray for the strength and willingness to just let go, and let Him. This is never an easy process for me. And I suspect it is not always easy for you, either. But God’s love for His people is unwavering. It is up to us as individuals to accept His plan for each of us.

2 thoughts on “About Tomorrow

  1. We are only human. We worry even though it doesn’t help. I really enjoy your blogs. I hate your struggles, your disapointments and your pain. I pray for you amd M.

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