What you are about to read may come as a shock for those who know me. But I truly have a lack of sociability in a social world. For the better part of of my life I have always felt sociably awkward and have had the sense of not belonging to any one group. I often wonder to myself if this has anything to do with having Cerebral Palsy. Better yet, does it have anything to do with the way I talk. And if some some reason I cant attribute my lack sociability in a social world to having Cerebral Palsy or the way I talk, Perhaps I can chalk it up to both my parents and their lack of sociability in a social world. The jokes used to be funny. My father would purposely stay home and away from family during major holidays. And my dear mother, well she would sit on the very back pew during Sunday morning church service so that she could quickly escape to the parking lot after the preacher said Amen. These jokes used to be amusing to me. But they have long since stopped being amusing. In fact, it is downright scary to think anyone could be that fearful of being sociable. In my mind, I want to be just the opposite of that. I often find myself yearning to be around other people and enjoy being a part of society. Truth be told, this is one reason that I like having therapy. It gives me the opportunity to talk, to get out some bottled up energy, to listen and to be heard.
And now for other part of this equation. Whether or not I am wrong, this is truly how I feel. I have no one reaching out to me. Well, there might be one person. But that is not near enough. I often really ask myself if I am just not worthy of having friends. But then I quickly realize how silly of a thought that is and is even the same as feeling sorry for myself. My wife and I share this same problem. She also longs for friends to hang out, to do things with. I do not believe anyone should have to go through life without the companionship that friends can offer. I have all the confidence in the world that I still have things that I can contribute to this world in a social setting. I just need to be given the opportunity to do so. No one should have to beg for companionship.
Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions in the box below. Perhaps other readers who might be in a similar situation might be of benefit as well. Let’s all grow and learn together. In God’s eyes, aren’t we all the same?